All day I felt pulled between sad because my foot seems not to be part of me anymore... it's numb, feelingless, and feeling grateful for the good talk the surgeon and I had yesterday.
It was like talking with a good friend, and the conversation went that way.
We joked about what he said: "You can come back over a week, a few years or 30 years". Which made me ask if it would be OK when I was in the house anyway: as I have an appointment with someone to meet when we're 99. This doc knows that.
He said: "If the other one is still alive. Do you expect that?"
"To be honest: no! And I might be demented."
"Do you expect to get that far?"
And then we talked about chosing end of life when I have lost fun in music. "You can keep me alive when I still enjoy music, or making music even when it's bad, and even when I don't know anyone."
It moved me we were able to talk about this, as it has been long ago I was able to say this to my former GP.
My friends and kids know... but the doctors who would be involved have all gone.
When I left we both stood there... I felt he also wanted to give a hug, but we didn't.
Out of respect for each other, not to risk this precious contact.
When in the door I threw him an airkiss, and we both had a laugh..
I feel my kids can talk to him when it's necessary.
He will take the time and the empathy.
It was like talking with a good friend, and the conversation went that way.
We joked about what he said: "You can come back over a week, a few years or 30 years". Which made me ask if it would be OK when I was in the house anyway: as I have an appointment with someone to meet when we're 99. This doc knows that.
He said: "If the other one is still alive. Do you expect that?"
"To be honest: no! And I might be demented."
"Do you expect to get that far?"
And then we talked about chosing end of life when I have lost fun in music. "You can keep me alive when I still enjoy music, or making music even when it's bad, and even when I don't know anyone."
It moved me we were able to talk about this, as it has been long ago I was able to say this to my former GP.
My friends and kids know... but the doctors who would be involved have all gone.
When I left we both stood there... I felt he also wanted to give a hug, but we didn't.
Out of respect for each other, not to risk this precious contact.
When in the door I threw him an airkiss, and we both had a laugh..
I feel my kids can talk to him when it's necessary.
He will take the time and the empathy.
I had a bad night again.
So much pain!
Almost unable to go from one side to another.
In the middle of the night I took a large ibuprofen, but it didn't do much.
It was very hard to reach downstairs.
Now it's evening and my back still hurts. And I still can't close my hand.
I was doubting to go to the meeting tomorrow, but considering the pain and immobility and the risk it will be the same tomorrow, I decided to inform the team I won't come.
Got a very nice reaction rom the secretary, which made me say I would make an appointment at a later stage and meet her for a cuppa. We still haven't met.
So much pain!
Almost unable to go from one side to another.
In the middle of the night I took a large ibuprofen, but it didn't do much.
It was very hard to reach downstairs.
Now it's evening and my back still hurts. And I still can't close my hand.
I was doubting to go to the meeting tomorrow, but considering the pain and immobility and the risk it will be the same tomorrow, I decided to inform the team I won't come.
Got a very nice reaction rom the secretary, which made me say I would make an appointment at a later stage and meet her for a cuppa. We still haven't met.
Went into the garden for a fresh nose, as we call it here, and suddenly saw something red between the leaves.
I have a small cherry tree!! With 2 nice red cherries!!
Spitting pips in the garden works!!! Wow!!!!
I have a small cherry tree!! With 2 nice red cherries!!
Spitting pips in the garden works!!! Wow!!!!
So it was an emotional day...
Hope I can sleep without too much pain!
Hope I can sleep without too much pain!
I am behind in my reading and I feel like I've missed a lot. I am sorry you have been in so much pain. That certainly isn't any fun. I'm glad you had such a wonderful conversation with, I assume, your doctor? At first I thought it was someone who was a good friend and that maybe he wanted you to come stay with him...but then I read more and figured it out. Either way, it was very kind and compassionate and sweet. I can see why you would've loved to have hugged him. Oh, to find two cherries on your tree! How sweet is that??? That's so exciting! I'm glad you had that pleasant moment in your garden. I do understand that. Spent some time in my garden yesterday, and it was so refreshing. I didn't find any cherries (they don't grow here), but I do have some squash and tomatoes growing! That's pretty exciting to me! I will be praying for your foot and the discomfort you are feeling. I hope you can get some good relief.
ReplyDeleteWell, he feels like a good friend. We din't know each other before the accident. But because of my work, and being a military surgeon, he made the choice for me as a patient. Curiosity who that woman was!
DeleteWe're not good with squash here... but maybe that will change with the change of climate. The cherries are a real surprise indeed.
Thanks! At times offline life takes over. Thanks for visiting!!