I was asked why many years ago a filmcrew followed my family around and that became an item on TV.
They were following me because we wanted to bring more atttion to the deaths of babies.
I worked so many years for people with high risk pregnancies and deceased babies.
It was still not possible to get a death certificate, nor a place to bury, for babies who died earlier than 22 weeks of pregnancy.
I couldn't even get a death certificate for my baby who died 2 days after on term delivery!
My work for those parents was on top of being a mom of 6. Which also meant the children were familair with the concept of death.
They were following me because we wanted to bring more atttion to the deaths of babies.
I worked so many years for people with high risk pregnancies and deceased babies.
It was still not possible to get a death certificate, nor a place to bury, for babies who died earlier than 22 weeks of pregnancy.
I couldn't even get a death certificate for my baby who died 2 days after on term delivery!
My work for those parents was on top of being a mom of 6. Which also meant the children were familair with the concept of death.
They filmed me during my work, but also when we went to the cemetery, when I anwered questions of the children, etc etc.
We also wanted to spread hope... you can live worthwhile after a baby has died, and you can integrate your experiences into your family life.
We also wanted to spread hope... you can live worthwhile after a baby has died, and you can integrate your experiences into your family life.
The crew was great!
At first only the producer came to our home to discuss the idea.
Then he came with the director and the kids met them after school.
One of the boys didn't want to participate. They accepted that, and asked if he wanted to help at the other side of the camera.
So he saw what they were doing, got familair with the guys and felt at ease.
In the end he wanted to particpate in everything.
The cameraman turned out to be family. Which was very special.
Because they took the time to make the kids feel it was normal they were around, they gradually integrated in everything and people around didn't ask any questions again and got used to them being there.
They filmed a lot, to have enough material for the program.
So getting the kids ready for school, bringing them to school, etc.
But also talks about the subject during coffee, questions the kids had, etc etc etc.
I don't like to be on camera... but they were able to be part of the background. And it was not about me, but about the message and providing another,better and more means of support to people in a hard time of life.
We got things going.
More respect in hospitals, better support, also for early pregnancy loss, more opportunities to bury babies, and more ways to bury them. (In a maxi cosy if desired.) Photocameras in hospitals. Time to hold the baby and show the baby to the family. Seperate cremation. Name giving.
And it started a motion that finally resulted in a change of law, so parents can get a death certificate, and my idea of a special monument got realised (of course with other people taking the honour, because they had the money....)
The subject became more normal to talk about.
It made me famous for a week.
I have worked with these parents, their gynaecologists, midwives and nurses, for over 35 years in a national foundation (we initiated in 1987) with all volunteers. We payed the costs all by ourselves, not to be dependent upon requirements of others, but only the parents.
I silently stopped two years ago.
By then a lot of changes were integrated into the health system and daily life, and I was ready to spend the rest of my efforts on veteran care alone.
At first only the producer came to our home to discuss the idea.
Then he came with the director and the kids met them after school.
One of the boys didn't want to participate. They accepted that, and asked if he wanted to help at the other side of the camera.
So he saw what they were doing, got familair with the guys and felt at ease.
In the end he wanted to particpate in everything.
The cameraman turned out to be family. Which was very special.
Because they took the time to make the kids feel it was normal they were around, they gradually integrated in everything and people around didn't ask any questions again and got used to them being there.
They filmed a lot, to have enough material for the program.
So getting the kids ready for school, bringing them to school, etc.
But also talks about the subject during coffee, questions the kids had, etc etc etc.
I don't like to be on camera... but they were able to be part of the background. And it was not about me, but about the message and providing another,better and more means of support to people in a hard time of life.
We got things going.
More respect in hospitals, better support, also for early pregnancy loss, more opportunities to bury babies, and more ways to bury them. (In a maxi cosy if desired.) Photocameras in hospitals. Time to hold the baby and show the baby to the family. Seperate cremation. Name giving.
And it started a motion that finally resulted in a change of law, so parents can get a death certificate, and my idea of a special monument got realised (of course with other people taking the honour, because they had the money....)
The subject became more normal to talk about.
It made me famous for a week.
I have worked with these parents, their gynaecologists, midwives and nurses, for over 35 years in a national foundation (we initiated in 1987) with all volunteers. We payed the costs all by ourselves, not to be dependent upon requirements of others, but only the parents.
I silently stopped two years ago.
By then a lot of changes were integrated into the health system and daily life, and I was ready to spend the rest of my efforts on veteran care alone.
Thank you for doing this. I know it wasn't an easy time for you or your family, but what a blessing that became for so many to be able to bury their babies with dignity and to raise awareness of this difficult and sensitive topic. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteIf everybody would put experiences to use... the world would soon be a better place.
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