Meeting after meeting..

 

My daughter2 was in hospital, medium care, after a suicide attempt.
At the end of the night shift her twinsister had called the hospital and heard she would have to stay another day. 

Then she was allowed to go.

When we were on our way to pick her up and bring her one street further to the ward again, we were called that they had found a problem on the CTG and she had to stay.
We told the nurse we were coming anyway. if we were allowed to visit. 
That was OK.

I had a talk with the doctor I knew (been teaching him.) and the discrepancy they found on the SCG had nothing to do with my heartdisease or her father's issues, but would probably be due to the pills she had taken and the metabolic products.
As the CTG had been normal yesterday and today in the morning, we decided it would be best to do another CTG. She would be about 300 m away from the ER/A&E, so a quick reply would be possible.
The new CTG was undisturbed. So she was allowed with the instruction to come back or call for help when she would get heart palpitations.

At the ward her stuff was packed and on a cart.
We had to wait in the livingroom, got coffee or another drink, and heard a few things more about her feelings about it all.
She had scared the hell out of herself.

We were called in to talk with a student psychiatrist and Thomas, who had been one of the therapists of a kind of therapy I firmly dislike (professionally).

The way he apporached the whole situation was very aloof. He talked very soft, was actig nice, but he gave me the impression he didn't really know what he was doing.
Well, in fact the whole group: student psychiatrist, Thoman, both my daughters, son2 (who had been driving us) and I were waiting for the psychiatrist to arrive, as he had to take the decisions.

She was not asked about her feelings.

After I interrupted Thomas a few times, because he was clearly "using up time" and didn't give any impression he wanted to stop talking, I felt I started to shift from mother to psychologist.
I told him so. 
And I told him I felt my daughter was getting stressed because she wanted to know what was going to happen. This elicited another senseless monologue.
But by that time it was obvious they didn't want her back on the ward.
It was also clear that we, including daughter2, wanted her on a closed ward.

He finally reacted to what was said, and started exploring:
"Where do you live?" (He knows her almost a year!!!)
"At a room here in town."
He suggested she might go there and her twin could be with her to prevent problems or another suicide attempt.
It was good we had that talk about that after they both were supposed to spend the weekend there the week before. It went rather well during saturday, but in the evening they were irritating each other so much, that
daughter1 came home after her sister was asleep. Agreed by both, after a friend jumped in and went to stay with her and another friend who lived nearby was "on call".
She manage to take some pills with whine in th few minutes she was left alone.

So to her room was no option.
Going here was no option either.

I told Thomas that contact between hospital with the psychiatrist there had learned that 'there was place enough".

Son2 had to leave for work and I was nearly as far as to tell the whole lot I would contact the psychiatrist of the closed ward myself, as the decision should be his instead of the psychiatrist of a ward which didn't want to have her anymore.
Before the meeting it was agreed with both daughters that I would leave, so I left.

On my way home I was angry I felt maneuvered into an attitude that perfectly fitted the theoretical description of the mom of an anorectic child. On the other hand: I know myself and the fact that I reacted that way made clear something was very wrong. That Thomas dictates reactions, whereas he pretends to give openness and freedom. Ugh!

A call: they were at her room.
A volunteer had offered to bring them home by car.
Now they were unpacking and ready for a shower.

They were both upset.
I was furious!

Like a friend told me: straight from a suicide attempt sent home.

More info: It's arranged that Home Care will visit regularly.
But they won't be there all the time and not during the night.
Hmm, last monday she was alone for a few minutes....

Call some time later:
Thomas had phoned they should come back, right after the shower.
She would be admitted to a closed ward.

In fact: they were already there.
Extremely tired, as they had to walk, with her heavy bags.
But they were there.

Was it possible we would come and pick daughter1 up?

So there we went again.

When we arrived at the parking place and phoned we were there she said they were about to have a meeting. I was welcome to join.
I hurried inside.

Someone opened the ward. I assume it was a nurse.
We entered a small room with a beautiful table.
A thin women was already there.
She turned out to be the doctor.
The first person without an air of importance.
Her questions were  straightforward, gave my daughter plenty of room to reply.
A lot was written down.

"Which restrictions do you want? "
" I want to stay inside during the weekend"
"The weather will be fine"
"I want to stay inside."
"Do you want to go for a walk with one of the carers?"
I laughed: "She can run so fast!!!"
"No, I want to stay inside."
"I'll write it down."

"Do you want to be checked during the night?"
"No"
I said she often had very bad nights, with little sleep and lots of flashes. Her sister said the same.
I: "Maybe a fetimes a silent look? "
It was agreed the nurse who was present would come and look a few times.

We also mentioned the heart issues and the instructions of the doctor at Medium Care to come in when she would have them again.
That too was written down. Both by doctor and by the nurse"

Some other subjects were discussed in a calm way.
Daughter2 was clearly in the center of the attention. As she should be.
Daughter 1 and I got compliments about being so caring, and for the additions.

Then we went home.
Leaving daughter 2 with the doctor who wanted to do a check up.

When we walked to the car we were almost surprised we felt ourselves and the meeting was so good.

The night sky was clear, so we could see a bright shining Venus and Jupiter in conjunction with the Moon.
Amazing!!!

But we couldn't get rid of the shock, the fear, the tension....

.

. . .

About **Syl

Syl: "Life is a chain of challenges. Sometimes the largest challenges are we ourselves. Facing life, facing others and facing yourself requires either a worryless attitude or plain courage. Most of the time it is dealing with judgement. Maybe life is about getting rid of it."